Commitment Issues

Why can't I commit to anything? 

This was a huge question I had in my life up until about a month ago.  I had a lot of goals and things I wanted to achieve leading up to my trip.  Unfortunately, I have not stuck to a single one of them.  I did great for about a month and a half, then it changed ever so quickly.  Its amazing how the mind works, it can be your biggest ally or your biggest enemy.  In this case, it was definitely the enemy.  

It started with a simple lemonade I ordered while out to dinner and didn't realize is the drink had soda in it (stupid right?).  That night I though it was one slip and I should have no problem getting back on track.  I did pretty well for about a week, but I just couldn't let it go.  I figured I already messed it up and if I couldn't do it all the way, why do it at all.  It was all downhill from there, I stopped exercising, started drinking (a lot more than I should have) and just didn't take care of myself in general.  To say the least I am a very black and white person, always one extreme to the other.  

This mistake actually taught me more about myself then sticking with my plan ever could have.  I have learned to have a more positive outlook on life in general, especially with mistakes I have made and will continue make.  I am working on being able to make a mistake, learn from it and let it go.  No more dwelling on things that have happened in the past.  One slip or mistake doesn't ruin everything, but gives me a chance to learn and have a greater understanding of my life and its purpose.   

With the help of a few people, I have started to understand that I don't need to have everything planned out exactly to enjoy my trip or even life in general.  Even if things don't go exactly as planned, every morning you wake up, you have the chance to start all over again and try again.  Life is an amazing adventure that you get to push yourself to the limit and experience new things, you just have to be open to it (even the small things).

With 21 days to go until I leave, no matter what I have done leading up to my trip, this trip will be an amazing experience.  One that I am going to embrace every great moment and even the bumps that will inevitably happen and I can't wait to be experience all of it with my sister.